Conception, pregnancy, and birth are all deeply intimate moments we experience in our journeys to the collective that is motherhood. We are evolving even before we recognize that we are with child. Our bodies are already altering themselves to grow our baby. I believe that it is during pregnancy and the postpartum time thereafter that we do some of our deepest soul searching. Things get stirred up inside in more ways than one.
Telling our stories of how our spirit, mind, and body were forever altered by carrying life within us (or not) is living our truth. To believe that our voices, personal experiences, and perspectives don’t matter is doing a great disservice to our sisterhood. There is an infinite amount of knowledge to be gained when we share our journeys. In all of the ways possible we need to work toward changing the traumatic outcomes so many of our sisters and their babies are facing. Too many of us/them are not surviving childbirth.
Your story matters. They all matter. Stories of home births, hospital births, miscarriage, preemies, infertility, adoption, multiples, surrogacy, emergency caesareans, etc. Our birth stories go deeper than just physically bringing babies into the world— they are the stories of our ancestors, triumph, surrender, introspection, challenge, resilience, empowerment, grief, trust, growth, strength, and so much more. At the end of the day we only want to know that our truths will be honored and respected. Here, they will.
And still so many of my sisters don’t give grace to themselves. Cases of infertility or miscarriage are often treated as taboo topics. The more they are treated as such, the more alone these mamas feel. They often don’t talk about these all too common shared experiences. We create this sisterhood with the understanding that sisterhood takes action. We have to support one another as we navigate this thang. We NEED to take action. For starters, we are not writing our stories down or telling them to the countless women we know that could benefit from knowing about what we experienced. Trust that I understand how deeply intimate and sacred bringing forth life is. If you’re story didn’t end with what you envisioned for yourself as a mama, it could be that much harder to reflect on your experience.
In such a timely manner Beyoncé’s cover with Elle Canada was recently released. The January 2020 issue included an interview where she shares this gem about motherhood. “I learned that all pain and loss is in fact a gift. Having miscarriages taught me that I had to mother myself before I could be a mother to someone else. Then I had Blue, and the quest for my purpose became so much deeper.” The lessons learned won’t necessarily mirror Bey’s, but she shares her truth that even after loss—all is not lost.
We then have to allow ourselves the opportunity and the time to process what we have been through whether happy or sad. It’s A LOT! One of the greatest gifts you can give yourself as you reflect back on the way in which you’ve experienced motherhood is compassion. Healing physically, emotionally, mentally, and spiritually will take time. Honor that. If writing about your experience doesn’t feel like the way, perhaps a voice recording or video would be more ideal. To just speak about your experience with someone that you feel close to could be a monumental step in honoring the birth you had.
If you were able to check off every want and/or need on your birth plan, it’s so very important to understand the beauty in that. I personally and vocally acknowledge how fortunate I have been to have the pregnancy’s and birth experiences that I have. I always say, “They were so good to me!” They being my four suns who all made their way into my arms quickly and without intervention. We can’t just share the ”perfect”, everything went right, pretty stories, though. We need it all.
The good, the bad, and the sad. There is a beauty in us all birthing different. It is the differences and the variations of normal among us as sisters that allow us to be more knowledgeable and aware of all of the complexities of us. And it doesn’t matter if you gave birth yesterday or 10 years ago—there are still many good, healing benefits to writing and sharing your story. Reflecting on the birth of your baby allows you to work through all of the emotions that pregnancy and birth stir up.
Our day-to-day lives don’t look the same. Neither will our births. Birth and pregnancy experiences and outcomes are innumerable. It is important that we honor each and every sisters journey and outcome. Your birth is your own it should be what you want it to be. The main requirements should be that your voice is heard, you are able to make informed decisions, and you are supported in those decisions.
Because many of us did not grow up with a generation of elders who discussed things like sex, pregnancy, or childbirth—we were left to figure it out. By sharing our experiences with those in the next generation of our families or communities they will undoubtedly gain from this invaluable information and wisdom. This is how we leave a legacy.
begin.
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