Much of this story was written in the latter part of 2009. It is now 2019, the year that marks my 10-year birthaversary ! That fact brings tears to my eyes as I consider everything that 10 years of motherhood has taught me. I’ve had doubts about myself since I became a mama. Truthfully, there have been many, all stemming from various life experiences and hurts. Guess what though?! There have been plenty more “girl, you did that!” moments. As a 24-year-old expectant first time mother, I knew with everything in me that I was capable of giving birth in the comfort and peace of my own home, and it would be an unforgettable life-altering thing. It was and still is just that! I remember things so vividly. Not every single minor detail, because much of it involved me going withIN, but I can replay that day in my head very easily. I’m sure some of it can be attributed to the beautiful pictures that I have of that day or the fact that I wrote out my birth story nearly a decade ago to have it live somewhere other than my head. This is my first home birth story.
I went to bed on Wednesday not feeling any different than I had felt in previous days. The spotting that sometimes occurs leading up to delivery day had stopped. I dozed off on the couch first, but eventually made my way upstairs to our bedroom. I awoke at 4:40am with what felt like menstrual cramping but noticed that it was a pain that wasn’t constant. It came and went, came and went, and after a few of those I started to time them. They were about 7 minutes apart. I decided that maybe NOW would be a good time to take a shower because they definitely weren’t cramps. Within the next however many hours we would have a baby to hold!! I remember it feeling kind of surreal that the day was finally here. In each of my births, there is a moment where I say to myself internally “This is happening. We will have a baby today!!” When I say that, it’s me acknowledging my role in this beautiful situation. It is my job to listen to my body while trusting it to do what so many women have done before me.
~soul of my ancestors~
The shower felt divine and I figured that I'd be able to endure for a while before we needed to call our midwives. After getting out of the shower I go ahead and wake my husband and let him know that I am pretty sure that I'm having contractions. He gets up immediately and starts to rub my back--it worked well for the minor contractions I was feeling at that point. The constant pressure on my lower back was really nice. It would prove to be the same for my next 3 pregnancies as well.
It’s not lost on me how fortunate I am to have a partner that is 100% fully invested in helping to get his babies into our arms safely while easing as much of my discomfort as he can. His presence grounds me. The masculine energy needs to be in that space. One of the most beautiful aspects of my first birth was that at no point did I feel fear OR sense fear in my husband. It kept our birth space peace filled, thus allowing me to have a stress free delivery. What’s amazing about that is there was a time in my life where I didn’t think I wanted children due mostly in part to my cycle. Menstrual cramps during my younger years on a number of occasions had me visiting the Dr. for shots to ease the pain. The thought of feeling “pain” that was worse than those cramps wasn’t even an option in my young mind. On top of that, there were comments made regarding birth throughout my life that could have taken hold in me if I had allowed them. I am thankful to have been/be of strong mind to know that those stories were not going to be my story.
I called my sister to let her know that I was having what I thought were contractions. I wanted at least one person in my immediate family to know that our baby would be here soon. My husband jumped in the shower to freshen up, so he could then wash out the tub for me to labor in. Our tub was big enough that I didn’t find it necessary to rent one or buy a pool. Innately, I believe I knew that it wouldn’t be necessary. The contractions were still coming when my sister called back around 6:20am to see how I was doing. She asked how far apart my contractions were and I calmly told her 5 minutes. She replied, “You should probably go ahead and call your midwife.” My sister is a tough softy. If she felt any nervousness or fear for me I couldn’t detect it in her voice. My husband called one of our midwives who informed him that she was going to go ahead and head our way. While we
waited for her to arrive I labored both in the bed and on the toilet. That toilet was working wonders!! I noticed the relief that I got from sitting there immediately.
Cortney (one of 3 midwives that would attend our birth) finally arrived and asked me the usual questions. “How are you feeling?” “How far apart are the contractions?”She listened to the baby’s heartbeat and began to time several of my contractions to see if they were consistent. They had begun to become irregular going from 7 minutes apart to 3 minutes and then back up to 5. After she timed a few contractions I decided that it was time to get my ass in the water. The contractions that had begun to pick up in severity instantly felt better after I was submerged belly deep in the warm water.
After being in the bathtub for quite some time ( I really can’t attest to how long) my husband comes in with the video camera and ONLY because the waves aren’t coming too hard do I let him film me. I just wanted to relax and give myself an opportunity to rest in the water. What excruciating menstrual cramps as a youth taught me is that warm/hot water provides pain relief. Cortney listened to the baby’s heartbeat again while I was in the water and our little one was still doing well--going strong. She sat on the bathroom floor and timed some more contractions. I’d avoided having her do a cervical check to see how far dilated I was up until this point because I didn’t want to be disappointed if I was still in the same place an hour later. I also knew that my body was doing exactly what it needed to do. I felt no anxiety or worry about that. I got out of the tub and began laboring back and forth between the toilet and our bed again. I found that leaning over the side of the bed and having my husband rub my back felt good, both physically and mentally. It wasn’t just his touch that was giving me comfort. I also felt safe and listened to throughout the whole process. If I asked for it, he made it happen. He played his position and did so with patience and love.
I was starting to feel tired although I felt I hadn’t done much work. It hadn’t been hard labor, but I wanted to try to lay down in our bed to labor and rest. It didn’t feel comfortable at all, and the rest didn't come easy. I moved around our upstairs rooms, going this way and that seeking comfort however I could get it.
More time passed and the waves(contractions) were getting closer together and more intense. I decided it was finally time to check to see how dilated I was. This check involved the midwife feeling the cervical opening with two fingers to estimate how wide open my cervix was. It was pretty damn uncomfortable, to say the least, and caused one of the WORST waves(contractions) that I had. I knew I wasn't doing THAT again! She said, “You’re 5cm dilated.” I exclaimed, “YES!” and raised my hand to the maternal GODDESSES and ANCESTORS watching over me. I had no way of knowing how fast I would get to 10cm but 5cm sure sounded nice right then. Within the hour it was time to migrate to the bed in our guest bedroom where all the “stuff” was set up. As a first time mama I really had no clue what I should expect to feel when our baby was ready for showtime, but remembered that Cortney had previously told me to let her know when it felt like I had to poop but couldn’t. I’ll be damned if that’s not exactly what it felt like! I was back in the water using the warm water and deep breathing to get me through the waves of labor when that urge hit me. I lifted my butt up and leaned over the side of the tub. Discomfort galore! I said, “Baby, go tell Cortney I feel like I have to go the bathroom.” She comes in, smiles and tells me I can get out of the tub after the current wave is over. I get out of the tub with their help and walk to the side of our bed where another wave comes over me before waddling to the guest room. Here is where the magic happens!!
I continue to get hit with waves. Note that I describe them as hits. By this time they came so often that I likened it to being knocked on your butt and before you can fully get up you get knocked down again. It's intense, yet totally doable because you know eventually, you will be able to get back UP. My eye is on the finish line and standing at that line is my baby. My water has yet to break and I’m not pushing. I tried different positions once we reached the guest room, but the one that gave me the most comfort was on my side. With my right foot on Cortney's shoulder, the urge to poop is so strong and I know our baby is close. My husband is behind me, helping me through. I requested that they keep putting warm washcloths on my perineum to prevent tearing. Waves keep coming and each one pushes our baby further down and closer to being in our arms. It was go time! What I was feeling at this point had to mean that I was so close. Birth is beautiful, but it's not one of those things that you want to last any longer than it needs to. You feel me?
First wave, my water bag makes an appearance. It’s this big white bubble. Second contraction, my amniotic sac makes an even bigger appearance and you can see the baby’s hair as well. My husband years later said, ”it almost looked like hair in an alien sack!” He's funny. We’re almost there!!! Third wave, the amniotic sac bursts and splashes all over my husband, and out comes our baby’s head. With one more immediate wave, our baby is here and his cry was music to my ears! That “ring of fire” is everything I read about and then some, okay?! Whew! It was truly the hardest part, but it’s such a short part of the whole process. I dug deep and went within to push through! He came out into his daddy’s hands and the euphoria aka oxytocin took over me. I was smiling--more like cheesing and truly at peace. We had done it! We had made it through our first home birth with no complications or interventions.
We chose to be surprised with the sex of our baby and on July 9, 2009 HE was born at 11:07am weighing 6lbs 3 oz. measuring at 19 inches. I went from 5cm to 10cm within an hour! Apparently, that’s not expected of a first timer. I went through the motions of labor as if I were on my second child according to all 3 of my midwives. The 3rd midwife to arrive who was actually the “main” midwife arrived at our house as soon as our Sun made his appearance. She was in awe. My perineum stayed intact. YES! It was one of the only worries that I had during my pregnancy. I did have 2 small labia tears but no stitching was necessary. They healed nicely. Our baby, the first of four changed our lives from that day forward. Mommy and Daddy were beaming with excitement!!
I laid in our guest bed so at peace and calm. My mother in love who had arrived the night before came upstairs and took the photos that I cherish so much now. She marvels at not being able to hear me while she waited downstairs during my labor. There was no screaming--just breathing and drawn out moans that guided me through each wave.
The newborn exam was performed right there on the same bed that I had just birthed him on. I count it as an amazing gift and blessing that our first sun could be conceived, kept warm and safe for 9 months, and born all within the peaceful walls of our home. I would recover in the same bed that I walked across the hall to after delivering our sun's placenta. We kept it to one day be buried with his siblings' placentas. Another story, another post.
I share this story as encouragement for other mamas and babas. Whether you have children already, are expecting your first, or have yet to conceive; do the research on birthing at home. There will be no guaranteed outcomes, but making an informed decision about who is present, how, and where you bring your child(ren) into this world is your right. With no familiar faces that looked like me, I read countless birth stories of white women and what their experience was like. I won’t lie, they were inspiring stories but they didn’t feel familiar. I want black and brown women to know that they can explore the possibility of bringing their child(ren) into this world the way that they envision. Birth without trauma is possible! I hope that by sharing my birth story I can inspire another one of us to explore the idea of birthing at home.
Join our mailing list to stay updated on when I post part 2 of my first birth story, as well as my 3 other birth stories! I have been blessed to have 4 peaceful and freeing births. I want that for all of us.
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